send-off, until 2a.m.

6/24 (still catching up)

On Tuesday (6/23), Leena, Kris, & I planned to go around dropping off care packages for students who are moving up from middle school. There are only three girls - Tally, Shannon, and Celeste - so we got them Starbucks and flowers too. I arrived at church around 1pm, with my laptop since we figured we'd stick around and host youth group while there. 

We visited Tally first, and received a house tour, including of Tally's room. She truly loves stuffed animals, and any colorful collectible toy. Kris was being funny and squealing in excitement over each hatchimal. Then we stopped by Shannon's briefly, and finally Celeste's. Leena left to the house she's sitting currently while Kris and I went to Starbucks for a drink. I didn't feel like getting anything but I just wanted to chill with her. We walked around Vons for a bit, staring at the ice cream & popsicles, and talked about my role as a leader. She's been encouraging me to be more involved and use my voice. I suggested possibly hosting a game, and regretted it, but it would be a healthy step outside my comfort zone. (and something to cross off my list) This Saturday we planned to better me with some helpful leadership videos, which I'm excited to learn from.

During our youth call, we (Kris, Caleb, Sean, & I) all took different rooms at church. It was an emotional evening, since it was send-off night, and many compliments were being given and tears shed. Even I got teary-eyed, thinking about Tally. She'd been a real friend to me at youth, and I'll definitely try to keep our friendship going. Kris made a video of each of the leaders giving encouragements and reminiscing, and I cringed at mine, but it was a wonderful video. Leena & I shared the same fond memory - when the girls were belting out 'Let it Go.'

Afterwards, us four wanted dinner, so Caleb assigned me to decide between Lazy Dog, Wendy's, or Cane's. I said Cane's since it came first to mind. The line there was super long, as it always is, especially now, so I stopped by Target first to use the restroom before waiting. But it took awhile, so I figured I could hop in with Kris if she wasn't too far, and called her. Caleb had already joined her car, so she suggested I join Sean. It was easy enough to find him. I walked straight across the front, waved at him, and jumped into his passenger side without asking. Of course he joked that I was a certified line-cheater, but I didn't mind. He had me drive a bit while he got to use the restroom, and the whole experience felt weird but like I finally was expressing myself. At first we sat outside Mimi's, but a cop came by and kicked us out, so we returned to the Wendy's spot from last week. I regretted not bringing my jacket, but Kris had a blanket. I also regretted ordering diet coke, since it ruined my sleep later. Our meal conversation was not as energetic as before, as we were all tired and a bit sad from the day. Then we parted in the same pairs, back to Cane's parking lot, and Sean & I made a wish at 11:11pm. He parked next to my car, then we started talking about various things. The subject led to my parents, my issue with assertiveness, and family dynamics again. He listened intently and asked questions to lead me on. I was able to ask him for his view on emotions, which I'd been wanting to. Maybe about an hour later, we began talking about 1Q84, since I told him I mostly read instead of watching TV. He got super excited about the plot, and we formed a theory about the worlds: 

Aomame and Tengo could've been in the same world until holding hands, then Tengo split off into 1Q84/Cat town. Aomame enters 1Q84 through the stairway, finds Tengo, then they exit together, but now to a different world. 

I also brought up Wind-Up Bird, and we debated how they could be of the same universe, a part of the same cycle. He's invested in borrowing them so he can further understand the plot - I made sure to warn him of the erotic scenes. I hope he enjoys it anyway. We'll see how much he reads, they are both long, 1Q84 is a brick. By the time it was 2am we decided to call it a night, though I was hardly sleepy. He texted later saying how nice it was, which I found kind. I just hope it wasn't a signal of warning, like - 'hey, this is nice, don't get your hopes up though.' I don't know.

As I said, I couldn't get much sleep due to caffeine, and from our energizing discussion. I showered and got in bed at 3am, but slept perhaps a few hours, until 6am, after which I went in and out of sleep until quitting at 7:30am. 

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