wind-up puzzle

7/1

Feeling like I'm going slightly insane. It's almost 1:30 am and I'm wide awake. I've been developing a puzzle for Sean to solve, and I hope I haven't gotten carried away. It's been super fun to plan out, and now all I have to do is set everything in place and hope for the best. When I'm around him I am certain there's a growing connection between us. Lately we've been discussing Murakami a lot, as he's actually been reading Wind-Up Bird and enjoying it. 

7/3

I cannot seem to approach emotions and people in a more reasonable, less movie-character-like manner. The whole puzzle is arranged, and today has been almost painful with my nerves and hormones knotting up. As I had predicted, I couldn't sleep so well past 6am, and finally got up at 8am since I needed to place 3 more clues. I'd waited to place the one at Cerritos mall for a less busy time. I was still nervous to tape the clue (on a city electrical box) but set my mind to auto and acted confident. I walked out, stuck it on, then walked back and drove away, fairly certain no one noticed. My next clue belonged at Gridley park, in a tree stump near the Geocache waypoint we didn't find anything at. This was easy enough - I had to wait at a bench for a minute or two until a guy and his dog moved to a different area. And finally, I placed the letter on Sean's doorstep, next to a small flyer. As I drove home I told myself aloud 'It's done.' I have been experiencing waves of feeling crazy, some mixed with joy, some mixed with fear. 

By 12p.m., he texted me about whether he was on track with solving the first clue. He wasn't, so I helped a bit. He'd check it that night since he had work that afternoon. All day I anticipated the end of his shift for more of his questions. I wished I could be there and do it too, or at least talk to him more, but we were both very busy today. I baked two cakes, exercised, had a Colonial-style dinner, and watched Hamilton. After his shift ended at 8p.m., he called me while he searched at Gridley Park and struggled to find it. I guided him to focus on 'stumped' and the area we'd been stuck. Then I was watching Hamilton and didn't text or call until intermission. My mom was getting concerned - I explained my disappearance this morning as confidential, puzzle-related, and I didn't plan to tell anyone (other than Kay) about it yet. I did end up telling Lydia while watching her play animal crossing. I trusted she wouldn't talk about it. 

He discovered the little paper clue, and solved it on his own. Yet it was already late, and has an early shift tomorrow, so he didn't do any further solving. 

I hope he has time to solve it all before Sunday. I hope it isn't too much. I hope it's not all in my head. I hope it's real. I hope I may calm down and sleep well. I hope God will intervene or is intervening.

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