5/4
I told the guy named Eric (who I've zoom called twice now) that I am actually not ready for a relationship. It is mostly due to remaining feelings for crush and for W. Lately I've been thinking more of my crush, and imagining how we could work together. As I drove back from the Post office and while I took my walk I felt angry about the state of things, and at him.
Now I'm unsure again. I don't really know him or Eric, and no one really knows me - which is mostly due to my own habits. I always want what I can't have too.. so as soon as I push someone away, I want them more. And, I can't shake this feeling that I don't deserve fulfillment now, like I'm still unripe or something. Maybe I am.
On another note, I've completed, packaged, and shipped 3 of my CDs to Jocelyn, Kelly, & Conny. I'm so happy they supported me; working on this project really motivated me and reminded me of my RISD project abilities. It was most satisfying to stack the CDs, all in their labeled cases, and feel the weight of them which I knew contained my 8 - 9 month total efforts.
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