reasons

(hi it's been awhile)

1/15

As of wednesday night (1/13) I have given up food obsession and committed to going 'All In'. Despite my anxieties and addictive thoughts towards food restriction, I know there's no other way to recover. I have to accept the weight gain, maybe find joy in it and the journey. What's hardest is fully acknowledging my problem as a problem that requires this solution, at least as I begin this process. Many things seem to be not so great lately - I miss my friends and my career opportunity is fading fast and I struggle to be an open and exemplary christian - but that stuff is no excuse to abuse my body. Denying my hunger has definitely been a coping mechanism as of late. 

And I want to recover. I no longer want to be controlled by food and body image, not consumed by these habits, and treat this body well. I want to listen to God's word and express my gratitude for all he's given me by caring for it. I want to trust that I'll find deeper, meaningful love, by letting go of what the world thinks is beauty/good. I want to live freely, as christ has allowed us to live, and overflowing with love for everyone.

Reasons for me to continue recovering:

a. my body will thank me, be stronger & warmer

b. I can go to any restaurant & order what I actually want

c. I can have normal dinner with my family

d. I'll have more energy to love people

e. I have to trust God, vs. being a control freak

f. I'll grow in character

g. now is the time

tmp