3/14
Debating whether to post on other platforms about this blog. I may have to change my topic/writing style if I decided to publish it, as there are still some things I'd rather my students (who I regretfully allowed to follow my insta) not to read.
Many things have been cancelled or postponed due to Corona panic, and I think it's pretty surreal. When it was highlighted in the media, I initially thought it would have minor effects. Perhaps major events would be postponed. But now, nearly all social/educational gatherings have been disbanded. Church service this Sunday will be online, all youth ministry events are set back, Veritas will eventually switch to online, and public schools have cancelled class for a few weeks - which will cause my dad to receive paid leave and be home like old times. In addition, stores are chaotic with hoarding customers, Disneyland is closed, there's no more sports for dad to watch on TV, and I'm sure many public areas will be closed soon as well. Yet it wasn't yesterday (3/13) so I had dinner at Mod with Kris, Sean, & Caleb, and when we walked through the mall it was a usual amount of busy.
During dinner Kris shared about her current state honestly, and we agreed that she's completely allowed to express how terrible it all is. It's a situation were not everything makes sense but it's important to share the confusion and pain. She fears being a burden, or that she's too much for us, but I've never considered her to be one. She is a generous listener, and I hope she took to heart how much she's being supported and allowed to release her concerns with us.
For awhile though, Sean & Caleb kept talking, and I grew dismayed. I turned to Kris and told her that they were talking too much. I also felt off, since there were other deeper things I wanted to discuss, when they had transitioned into small talk. Thankfully, Sean asked me how I was doing - probably because I had been very quiet and looked concerned. I explained how I'd been excited about researching an MLS degree lately, but really wanted to know what their stories to faith are, as I still don't really know them. Caleb shared, and I related to his need to rebuild his faith. It's what we are currently addressing in our topic at youth, on asking deep/difficult questions as an effort to equip them for the trial of college. Then I took over and shared what I'd gone through - how I had naive faith that was isolated and greatly doubted during RISD, and not until graduation was it really rebuilt. (I did make changes in my senior year which I didn't mention, but in that time I was still dedicating my life to my art.) And I even admitted my mild depression, as Kris had inspired me to be more transparent, and I'd been thinking of explaining it since asking for prayer on Tuesday. I don't know if I gave too much, but they reminded me to reach out when I'm sad or lonely. I'll try to remember this - it's often hard in the moment of my low to want company.
I still have yet to hear Sean's story. Later, we went to SomiSomi and I told Sean about going to San Jose at the end of the month. He offered to go up with me if I want to leave on the 27th. I would definitely prefer that, since it will be a long drive and I'd rather not be alone. Also, it could be a time for me to understand him better. He better not judge my driving skills or taste in music. It's still a couple weeks away though, so we'll see what God has in store.
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