3/16
Been disoriented by the total schedule shift.
Saturday was fine - felt confused about how to feel and it was gloomy out, so I didn't do terribly much. Did usual things, then had dinner at Cynthia's with Kris & Vanessa. Cynthia's mom made chicken, rice, plantains, salad and beans. It was a comforting meal, and comforting to talk with them. I didn't realize how humorous my plain statements can be. I guess those are the funniest sentences, when the person saying them isn't fully conscious of it. We talked about love lives, mostly ex loves, only Vanessa has a boyfriend.
Cynthia pulled out a new devotional book she'd bought, and we read the first on together. It was on trusting God's perfect plan. Trust after/during making/experiencing mistakes is a difficult application. I attempted to relate all the errors to errors when I am making art. I told them about how I always am more proud of a piece of art that went wrong, needed to be reworked, re-purposed, washed over. (Happy accidents, as we all know them. Yet not all are happy - some are sad, frustrating, joyful, surprising. All are a part of the process) Then we sliced a cheesecake from Porto's in late celebration of Kris' birthday. We played 'hedbanz' (a new favorite of mine) and Cards Against Humanity for the rest of the evening.
The following day was Sunday, and I thought I'd sleep in but my family were all up and ready to stream the early online service. So I stumbled out of bed and made my shortest commute to church - still 5 minutes late. I squeezed in between my parents and awkwardly observed us all quietly sitting. None of us were singing, though it was worship, until my dad did a little bit. I thought, ah screw it, and sang along too. My mom turned up the volume to we could feel more comfortable singing along. We never got to really singing, but it was a step for my reserved and easily embarrassed family. The service was on waiting, and the story of Lazarus. Fitting for the current time of quarantines and uncertainty. His point on Jesus telling Lazarus to 'get up' resonated with me the most - I think that's what God is telling me about stepping out of my fear, since I can trust him.
I baked some fast version of bagels - no yeast, no knead, no boiling - just to try it out. The recipe called for greek yogurt, which made them taste like sourdough. Then I had a video call with the leaders on youth ministry for the next weeks/months. I was distracted/self-conscious about seeing myself in video and and didn't share much if at all. Caleb told us that we'd still have youth ministry, games, teaching, and small groups, instead all through Zoom. I am curious (and concerned about) how it will go.
Some of them planned on meeting at Mod at 8 pm, after watching the service, but I was tired and kind of down. I read 'Recursion' then watched 'He's Just Not That Into You'. The movie was painful but funny - I am more like Gigi than I'd often like to admit, while I found myself agreeing with the pessimistic doubts about men, and finally crying with happy/sadness at (Spoilers) Neal proposing to Beth. (sigh) They still played into the perfect ending that sustains my obsessive behaviors. But I enjoyed it.
I realized it's been nearly 3 months since I had contact with my ex. Some memories kept replaying in my mind all day. I was walking down Tehachepi while remembering the feeling I always had driving to his house.
I went to a training meeting at Veritas for online teaching methods. It was pretty fun to learn about how to use a Docu-Cam and the whiteboard application with it. I'm kind of nervous about how it'll go for my classes, but also excited and grateful to be sleeping in more and commuting less.
As I drove back home from an appointment in the afternoon, I stopped by Vons to buy tofu for dinner. The place was ravaged - practically every shelf was with gaps and scattered products. They were out of tofu, and quick oats, and the apple supply was sad. So I left without buying anything and tried Aldi's. The lot was sparse, and there was a sign on the door, so I parked close and got out to read it. A lady right next to me did the same. We discovered they'd closed an hour ago, shared our shock, wished each other a good evening, and drove off. When I was waiting at a light, the host on the classical (KUSC) radio station began to wish us all a good evening at home. He said he assumes many of us are now working at home for awhile. Meanwhile, the station might sound a bit different since they are also working from home. He was not in the studio, but in fact in the closet of his master bedroom. I then imagined a bunch of radio hosts sitting in closets across America, and laughed loudly. The image still brings me much joy.
While I'm sure it's sad for those grieving, this pandemic is kind of entertaining. Like a thunderstorm. (My sister thinks I'm a little insane for telling her this)
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