good spirits and afterlife

2/10
Today I found $20 on the ground while working, which is currently in my back pocket. I forgot my canteen as I rushed to my bookstore shift, but I remembered I could get free tea at Viking Express, so I'm sipping on early grey while enjoying the last hour of sunlight on my break. (I am currently writing on the same circle tables as I would during September) The Lord had blessed me today with good spirits and behaved students, or perhaps because of mutual good spirits, the teaching, driving, working at PCC, and my overall day, have been enjoyable. It has been much busier at work - I've been occupied nearly every minute with customers or small tasks, and whenever it pauses I'm talking with my coworker Andrew. I think he might be interested in me, but I'm hesitant, as I'm fairly sure he's not Christian, and I don't want to go through everything I did with my ex. It's pretty frustrating though, since I cannot just shut off my emotions and automatic reactions, or drive away all romantic hope at once. I have an infestation of hope. At least, I'm feeling pretty recovered from my ex - I only have occasional flashbacks to times we were physical. Those memories are the strongest now.

I've stopped my CSH fast, but I've continued to listen to Classical or worship while I drive. I think it's probably safer for me, and I enjoy imagining that the music is tidying up my brain, at least for an hour each day.

2/11
My hopeful feelings were broken easier than expected; I asked whether he believed in heaven or hell. My boss had just stated how it didn't make sense if you believe in ghosts, but no afterlife, yet Andrew thinks exactly this. I already guessed this was true, but it made me feel a bit empty. Thankfully I didn't get too down, and I listened to positive worship on the drive home which helped.

My dream was terribly twisted though. I can't describe everything, but I will write a few things. ~~ I was married but recently widowed and had to bury my husband, there was some kind of fiery war, and my brother turned into a scarecrow. All the while, I was living in an apt owned by my brother in a dreary neighborhood that I suppose could have been in Northern CA or a hilly residence of LA.