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Feeling rather anxious and uninspired by all the work that I do. I've been spending too much time on Instagram I think. Everything I see makes me feel unmotivated and insecure. I am thinking of actually completing my new testament project. Perhaps I'll try making zines of it too.
Had a kind of vision recently. There's a perfectly straight manmade ledge. Deep below is nothingness, of course, and around the hard ground it's all grey and foggy. For some reason, I'm walking on the very edge, carefully placing my feet one after the other. Sometimes my balance fumbles, but I never fall. Something is keeping me from falling, but I am unable to walk away from the ledge either.
Nothing much has occurred lately. I am tutoring a girl named Lucie with simple algebra, and beginning work back at the bookstore, which is making me busier. My fast is nearly done, but I want to continue spending my morning time praying, as I need it. And I want to continue talking with God first thing each day.
Talked with ~~ while walking 2.4 miles 2 days ago. She feels similarly - it's been terribly hard to find work, and to stay motivated for her. She realized through submitting to this scholarship/fellowship program that we are pretty much competing with our illustration friends. Which sucks. But I told her that's just how it is, and that I think the fact I am friends with such amazing people outweighs the difficulties. I was crying before we called, but suddenly all I could speak was positivity and encouragement. I think I helped her feel better. The walking improved my mood as well.
(current note: I will add a few more older entries, then add current ones only, very soon.)
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