3/7
Did lots of talking and relationship mending today.
First I called Kay in the morning, and she told me that she's been quite low and lonely lately, due to Victoria having a guy over frequently and her own lack of plans. I told her all about recent change and my renewed hope in God, and am truly grateful that God helped me share my experiences genuinely. Normally, I'd get a bit arrogant and preachy, but I focused instead on just talking about my recent revelations while trusting that He will use my words. She said she felt held by my phone call, so I'm glad.
Then I got ready for Caleb's dad's funeral. I wore my velvet black turtleneck dress and heels. The service was very touching and entertaining. I cried a little during the eldest brother's speech, and towards the end of the sermon, as a feeling of desire to be with God grew in me. ~~ seems to have been a unique and fearless character who reminded me a bit of grandpa Pannell. I made a mental note to write a letter to gma and him soon, as they are mortal too.
Afterwards, I went to Lucille's with some of the leaders, to celebrate a birthday. Originally I didn't plan on it, as I've been spending too much, but I felt slightly bad about how their birthday plans fell through. Lunch was enjoyable for the people; though I regretted its cost and calories, I did have watermelon, good conversations and quality time. Sean said if we were all actually parts of his subconscious, I'd be the rational side. We discovered that the biscuits are now frozen and the strawberry lemonade no longer has actual strawberries, and we laughed about our disappointment in the establishment.
When I got home, it was about 3 pm, so I called D~ while I went on a walk, as I told him I'd call in the afternoon. I finally tried to make it clear that we shouldn't hang out, since he's likely not over me yet. At first he didn't accept it, but then I explained how it ultimately doesn't matter how long we've been friends, and apologized for the letters I'd written (as it probably encouraged him falsely). Then admitted how I don't envision us benefiting each other outside of a friendship. I think that's when he truly got it. He said he's relieved to have a firm no.
My evening was spent talking with dad over omelettes I'd made, about difficulty with Luke's education. My parents are so tired of having to enforce rules and engage in arguments. I am praying that God will work inside of them and soften hearts and change dynamics.
Then I spent about an hour writing a letter to gma & gpa. I recorded all the work that I'm currently doing, my reminiscing of sushi times with gma, and mentioned hoping to drive to them someday.
When I finished, I went to snack in the kitchen, and ended up talking to Lydia for about 1 & 1/2 hours. First about crushes, then art & school & life, and Hume Lake & church. And rich people, & a fictional bougie Mcdonald's at Laguna Beach, and toll sidewalks. Finally, we discussed what things of today that we could exaggerate into the future - as Ray Bradbury did with Fahrenheit 451. I still stand by VR and socialism. Now I am sleepy and it is nearly 1 am, with daylight savings tomorrow.
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